To Carol - Love Charlie

You ever had a dream that you thought was real? Have you ever woke up in a sweat? Have you ever thought that maybe it really happened and worry about it so much you can’t go back to sleep? Yes, it has happened to me. It happened to me last night and I think I am still dreaming.
It all started with a ringing in my ears from the loud bell. A school bell that rang to signal the change of classes in school. But this bell happened to be lower on the wall, next to my desk by the door for my fast escape. I wanted to bolt and run into the hall down the corridor to lead to freedom from the walls of learning. Only I couldn’t run, I was stuck in the bed.
Nothing was making noise except the man the bed next to me of 15 years. No cars could be heard driving on the road. No dogs barking. Nothing except the eerie quietness of three o’clock in the morning. I lay there deeply breathing wondering if it was real. Wondering if maybe next time I could even hear at all.
What did I just dream? What really happened? I snuggle into my pillow thinking about my dream. Can’t remember. Can’t remember why I am so scared. Why am I scared? It was a good dream. I was back in high school. Everybody’s faces gracing the halls of my high school. The big hairdo’s. The funky dresses. Oh my god! And then there was me. A me that mentally was who I am today. I was that same high schooler looking like I did back then. I had the chance to change my life and make today a totally different episode in my life.
But what did I do? My husband was still beside me. The house is exactly the same. I tossed and turned the rest of the night thinking about what I did to make my life totally different.
I do my normal routine that morning, got the kids off to school, got dressed for work and kissed my husband goodbye. Nothing happened that seemed abnormal until I got to work. At my desk is a large dozen bouquet of red roses.
The card only says “Thinking about you, Charles.” I asked the lady who was at the front desk if she saw someone but she didn’t. None of my coworkers saw either. I couldn’t imagine who Charles was. It wasn't until my lunch hour that I found out.
I go to my usual lunch spot at the little café down the street. I took out my phone and made my call to my husband to see how things were going. After a few minutes, I hung up and finishing my salad. When the waitress came to take my plate she brought me a cheesecake drizzled with chocolate. .
“It’s from that dreamy man” as she eagerly pointed to a silhouette hiding behind a newspaper.
As he approached me the face seem familiar but I still wasn’t quite sure who he was until he spoke.
“Hi, Carol. It’s me. Charlie. Charles Hankins.” His smile was still the same as it was back in high school. “You may remember me as Clumsy Charlsey as the preps called me.”
I think if I could have seen myself I would have been tempted to slap myself out of my state of absolute shock. I hadn’t seen Charlie since graduation night. In that moment my dream flooded back to me. I was that little high school girl. To see Charlie who hadn’t aged except for the fine lines under his eyes. Oh, those beautiful soft brown eyes. In my dream, it was I who changed my who perception of who I was to be. I decided not to be that quiet girl without friends to one who had all the student body wishing they could be seen with me at every social function - school and private ones. In that dream, I was the girl every guy wanted to walk to class. I was the most beautiful and popular girl. But I couldn’t understand why Charlie wanted to see me.
“You sent me the roses.” I half asked and stated. I stood up. “May I ask why?”
“Because. . .” he motioned for us to sit, “I, well . . . I wanted to see you again to tell you something.” A smile crossed his lips. His eyes fell to the table as he reached for my hands. I breathed - taking in his smell. A little Stetson with a fresh scent of mint from his breathe, a brown moustache finely groomed above his lip, clothes pressed with the crease running down each length of his outreached arms to me. In my dream, Charlie was the one I wanted as my prom date. He was the guy who chose to ask my best friend instead of me. He was the one guy in school who knew exactly what he wanted and where he was going to go when school was out. He had major plans but now I remembered none of his plans included marrying or even thinking about children. He wanted to make the military his life. He was going to pragmatically marry the military.
“What do you want to tell me?” I let him take my hands as I looked into the eyes of a man who I had not seen in 17 years. He looked at me with a kindness and love only my husband has shown me.
“I am here because. Because, I need to talk to you. I need to let you know something. I need to be with you. I am here . . .” he looked down and away as he bit his lower lip. “I want to tell you that - that I had a crush on you in high school and - well - I was, I am . . . in love with you . . . I want you.” He looked up at me searching my face for some answers. “I want to start a relationship with you. To continue from high school. To take you to prom and make plans with the future with you.”
“Prom? Plans for the future?” I repeated his last words as I pulled back from his grasp.
“I know we can’t go to prom together but I want to make plans for the future with you. We still have time for that.” His face softened and pleaded for forgiveness. For a second I wanted to say yes. For a second, I wanted to reach across the table to plant a forceful yet submissive kiss on him. To touch his soft pink lips to mine. Ohh, to smell the fading aroma of Stetson to a stronger odor of masculinity, giving me butterflies into the depths of my stomach. For a second, I was taken back to my high school days of falling in love with every jock who looked my way. I wanted this second to last forever but reality pounded on me. I must have turned every color of red imaginable as my cheeks began to sting.
“Um, Charlie. I am married now. I have children. I have a job and a life.” I saw how he retreated into a state of denial. He looked at me with such admiration and kindness.
“Carol, I thought I could come back and start where I left off. I thought that things would be exactly like it was but I guess I was wrong. Everyone has changed but me. I know I just left and no one ever heard from me again but I do have a good reason.” He pulled out a picture. It was a picture of a brown headed young woman and a little boy child. “This is my mom. She was from Australia. She gave me up three months after that picture was taken. She told me that she couldn’t take care of me because her father and mother were deathly ill and she needed to take care of them. She was a nurse. Their nurse. Well, anyway, she made me come back to the states with my father.” He slumped back into the chair like a load was being lifted off of his chest.
“After my grandparents died, my father wouldn’t let me go back to live with her. He told her that I was better off here. That I was home and doing good. That going back to Australia would upset my delicate emotions and I could go into a state of depression if she took me away from the life I knew.” I was amazed at his story. To hear this made me think that my own existence was not important.
“I went to Australia after graduation to take care of my mom. She was dying of the same decease as her parents and now I have the same decease. I am destine to die of the same fate. That is why I chose not to marry. I chose not to have children.” A sigh of relief came from him. He was telling me all of this and taking a chance of things actually going his way.
I looked at my cell phone. “Oh no. I am late for work. I gotta go. I gotta get back to the office. I have a meeting with my boss in half an hour. Can we talk later?”
“Yea, um . . . how about over dinner tonight? Tell your husband you have to work late or something.” He let the words flow like a stream in spring.
“No, how about tomorrow. Same place. Same time.”
“Okay, then I don’t guess I have a choice. See you tomorrow.” He watched as I got my purse and phone and left the building. He motioned for the waitress to give him another cup of coffee while I watched through the bay window of the small café.
　
It was so real and today has just proven the fact that it was no dream. Am I living a nightmare? Well, that may not be the right word - more like surreal. I wonder if maybe a pinch would help? Nope, I’m awake. I went home that night wondering if my husband could tell something was bothering me? Wondering if I should tell him? I was on pins and needles all that night. Going to sleep was something I wasn’t looking forward to so I laid there looking up at the ceiling as my husband snored.
Another routine day until it was lunch time again. I asked my boss for an extra hour to run errands incase we got lost in time again. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. I was sure that this was just an extension of that dream I had the other night and the lunch I had yesterday. I was upset with myself for letting this man come back into my life and to even have these thoughts of taking him up on his offer.
Could the grass be greener on the other side? I was beating myself up inside for even having these thoughts of disappearing with Charlie. When I got to my spot in the café, Charlie was no where to be seen. I ordered my salad and called my husband to see how things were going hoping he didn’t hear the subtle difference in my anxious tone.
Twenty-five minutes and he still wasn’t there. After five more minutes he was a no show. Maybe I really dreamed yesterday. The waitress came over to give me an envelope.
“That handsome man you were with yesterday came in this morning and asked me to give you this to you at exactly noon if he wasn’t here.” She handed me a white envelope.
The words “To Carol - Love Charlie” was written on the outside. I wanted to be something I am not. The dream gave me that opportunity - even if only for a day. Do I open the letter? Or do I let that part of my life die away?