20 days to my Birthday

It is 20 days to my Birthday 9-11. I will be 39 yrs old. This will be the last year before my 40's start and I really fall apart physically. My mom is diabetic and I think my sister is also and I know my brother will be so I want to get a head start of losing the weight before it comes down to having to lose the weight. I know the picture of my is pretty good. I was in my early 30's and I don't want to put a pic of me on here right now.
I didn't realize how big I really am. I want to lose all of this fat so my 40's will be better than my 30's. I was hoping my 30's would be better than my 20's and it started out good. I joined a gym and everything. I lost 40 lbs but gained it all back plus some. Coming from a big family hasn't helped any either.
I am changing the name of my blog title "I am a writer wannabe" to something better like "My 39th year"
I have 20 days to get prepared. I am more determined now than ever to start losing. I can't join a gym because of money. I can't do weight watchers or Jenny Craig because of money, unless you want to give me money to pay for it? Just kidding. But I do have a treadmill at home and access to a gym at work. I can buy weight watcher dinners at Krogers for a resonable price.
In the next 20 days, I am going to prepare to start losing. It is like when you set a date to stop smoking. Once you get to that day, you lay that cigarette down. You use a patch or gym or pill to help stop the cravings. I have been there twice. I quit smoking in 98 by using nicotine gum. It did the trick but I starting being around my brother more often and started smoking on the weekends which turned into all week. I quit that second time using the patch. It worked too. They say a smoker takes 10 or more times to actually quit and stay quit. I don't plan on picking the habit back up but my chances are more likely than say someone, like my husband, who has never put a cigarette to his lips.
So many times I quit cigaretts and so many times I have tried to lose weight. Weight lose is harder because you have to eat. I have tried the Atkins diet. I have tried the gym. I have used those mini-thins you can buy a truck stop on the counter. I have tried those Fiber Choice Weight Management you can buy at walmart. The best thing about fiber is that it keeps me from being constipated.
I haven't joined a support group yet. I am thinking about it but first off I want to start keeping track of my progress on my blog for the whole world to see. Why do I want the whole world to see my progress is not clear to me at this time but I have been thinking about it all day. I have to start doing something to get rid of this fat that is so ugly. I think this maybe a way to keep a check on myself because I know if I do this I will have to account for myself. This is different than when I joined the gym. I got on TV and we were on TV and I really was motivated at first but when the pounds kept getting harder and harder to come off I just kind of quit trying. It seemed that going to the gym was not helping any longer.
So this time will be different. And by the way, in the last blog I meantioned that I was worried about my husband, well not now, he told me that when he took her home he said he would help her pay her cell phone bill until she could get on her feet. She must have thought he wanted some sex from her but he told me he told her that he didn't want sex from her, only to help her get back on her feet. He said she was surprised and was shocked that a man would help her without wanting sex in return. He basically said " I have a wife. I am not wanting sex from you or any other woman." This makes me feel better. and plus he was home before 4 when Brandon got home from school.
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What I intend to do with this blog.
1. Post everyday - what I did - like - ate, exercised, slept, being lazy, worked, stressed, etc.
2. Write about how I feel about what I did.
3. Find someone to share my blog with that will give positive feed back so I won't give up.
4. Post pictures of my progress.
5. It will start on my 39th birthday and end on my 40th birthday.
7. Also write stories. I have a story started on myspace page which I intend to finish. I plan on having that story also finished when I turn 40.
8. It is my son's junior year so I intend to tell you about him.
9. Tell you about my life in general at home, including husband, mom, etc.
10. I am not sure. I am out of ideas but I will come back to this one.

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So now the rest is up to me. Please come back and read about me. I need a good support group eventhough right now I am my own group. I didn't realize how big I actually am until my sis-in-law took a pic of me one sunday when we went swimming. I was wearing a sleevless shirt and I had my glasses on. I wear contacts. My face is really square and I feel really fat right now. I will post pictures later. That is all for now. Tomorrow it will be 19 days to my birthday.